Dear Universe,
What exact purpose does an opossum have in this grand world other than to frighten people on their way home in the middle of the night?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Work It Out
Believe it or not, Cracker Barrel is NOT my dream job. Neither is Borders or other numerous places I have been forced to apply to due to the failing economy. Of course, I can't mention their names because those companies might be reading my blog right now and consider this post a "conflict of interest" when viewing my job application for part time sales associate. Woe is me. Yet again.
What amuses me the most about this whole lack of job security thing is the exchange of insincere, cordial, politically-correct, business speak. I try to put on the best show I can in terms of presenting myself as one who is excited and thrilled to be a cashier or stock person or part of a team. I don't understand why the process is so pretentious. You, as an employer, are going to pay me minimum wage (maybe 50 cents more, if I'm lucky) to do physically mundane and repetitive work that is going to rot my brain and self esteem and I'm okay with that. I'll do it. I SAY YES. Just give me the shit money so I can make a living wage!
I was warned that maybe I am too qualified to work at various places, which behooves me. I am not looking for anything more than an exchange of labor for money. I don't think I can put it any simpler. I will work for money. Regardless of the many achievements I have made academically, artistically, or professionally, I need money. I would think given these achievements, one would realize how much time and effort I spent establishing goals and succeeding beyond them. This should give an impression of how dedicated I'd be working anywhere. But maybe it creates fear. Maybe when I outshine the average worker, it is known that I might be destined for something bigger than retail. Maybe that consummation is so real, even fake corporate speak is not enough to dismiss it. It's like an infection.
All I can hope for is for things to become a hell of a lot more stable. Everything else should fall right into place. My dreams and aspirations for greatness are not (nor could they ever be) forgotten, but they will need to be put on hold just long enough for me to master all the ways to say, "Would you like fries with that?" or "What size do you need?".
What amuses me the most about this whole lack of job security thing is the exchange of insincere, cordial, politically-correct, business speak. I try to put on the best show I can in terms of presenting myself as one who is excited and thrilled to be a cashier or stock person or part of a team. I don't understand why the process is so pretentious. You, as an employer, are going to pay me minimum wage (maybe 50 cents more, if I'm lucky) to do physically mundane and repetitive work that is going to rot my brain and self esteem and I'm okay with that. I'll do it. I SAY YES. Just give me the shit money so I can make a living wage!
I was warned that maybe I am too qualified to work at various places, which behooves me. I am not looking for anything more than an exchange of labor for money. I don't think I can put it any simpler. I will work for money. Regardless of the many achievements I have made academically, artistically, or professionally, I need money. I would think given these achievements, one would realize how much time and effort I spent establishing goals and succeeding beyond them. This should give an impression of how dedicated I'd be working anywhere. But maybe it creates fear. Maybe when I outshine the average worker, it is known that I might be destined for something bigger than retail. Maybe that consummation is so real, even fake corporate speak is not enough to dismiss it. It's like an infection.
All I can hope for is for things to become a hell of a lot more stable. Everything else should fall right into place. My dreams and aspirations for greatness are not (nor could they ever be) forgotten, but they will need to be put on hold just long enough for me to master all the ways to say, "Would you like fries with that?" or "What size do you need?".
Monday, March 2, 2009
From the Lap of Lady G. to the Other Lady G.
Dear Lady GaGa,
I would like to take this opportunity to tell you that you have a song I actually like. You generally annoy me, but I find your new video "Love Game" fun to dance to. I just don't understand your lack of originality, your all-blondes-in-one image. You know, a little bit of Christina Aguilera (the hair/the videos), a little bit Gwen Stefani (the gold/referring to a beat as "sick"), and a little Madonna circa the Confessions album (the hooded high thigh leotard). But I guess most of all, what I don't understand is how you totally bit my style in that scene on the train.
Damn, grrrl.
I will forgive you, though. Because as an artist, I understand that you can not always be the most unique at a given time. I guess the only advice I have for you is to keep hustlin'. It seems to be working for you somehow.
Sincerely,
Lady G.
P.S. Take that damn blonde bow off your head. You look like a fool. OK, that's all.
I would like to take this opportunity to tell you that you have a song I actually like. You generally annoy me, but I find your new video "Love Game" fun to dance to. I just don't understand your lack of originality, your all-blondes-in-one image. You know, a little bit of Christina Aguilera (the hair/the videos), a little bit Gwen Stefani (the gold/referring to a beat as "sick"), and a little Madonna circa the Confessions album (the hooded high thigh leotard). But I guess most of all, what I don't understand is how you totally bit my style in that scene on the train.
Damn, grrrl.
I will forgive you, though. Because as an artist, I understand that you can not always be the most unique at a given time. I guess the only advice I have for you is to keep hustlin'. It seems to be working for you somehow.
Sincerely,
Lady G.
P.S. Take that damn blonde bow off your head. You look like a fool. OK, that's all.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Hearts Farts
I receive emails daily about events, news, and savings from various businesses I subscribe to so that I can somehow justify spending money as long as I get something for a ridiculous bargain. And then I love to brag about it. However, today, January 5, 2009, I already received an email exclaiming super duper savings for Valentine's Day! Yippee... I can get some sexy see-through crotchless panties for 25% off, a whole loving month before I ?need? them. Better jump on that.
Now, I understand that we're all getting a lot more desperate to save these days, but I hadn't even fully recovered from celebrating the new year before I was bombarded with the arrival of the next nationally recognized Hallmark holiday. Seriously, WHY? do we even bother anymore? What has made these holidays remarkably unique, sincere, or fulfilling? Isn't gift giving supposed to give you joy? At this point, it seems wherever you go, the inevitable reign of consumerism is all that surrounds you. Another reminder that you'll soon be obligated to buy a meaningless object for someone you probably resent or are trying to impress. You cannot buy love or acceptance. And it doesn't come in the form of chocolates, flowers, or dumb ass heart-holding teddy bears. Now, *diamonds* are another story, but I digress... When you work as hard for the money as we all do these days, isn't it enough to just have each other? Or, I don't know -- to MAKE something for someone else?
Enough already! Take a break from all the overspending by challenging the ever present marketing schemes that tell us "to buy is to love!" And PLEASE: Resist the urge to paint everything in garish and pukey pale shades of red and pink! It's not flattering.
Now, I understand that we're all getting a lot more desperate to save these days, but I hadn't even fully recovered from celebrating the new year before I was bombarded with the arrival of the next nationally recognized Hallmark holiday. Seriously, WHY? do we even bother anymore? What has made these holidays remarkably unique, sincere, or fulfilling? Isn't gift giving supposed to give you joy? At this point, it seems wherever you go, the inevitable reign of consumerism is all that surrounds you. Another reminder that you'll soon be obligated to buy a meaningless object for someone you probably resent or are trying to impress. You cannot buy love or acceptance. And it doesn't come in the form of chocolates, flowers, or dumb ass heart-holding teddy bears. Now, *diamonds* are another story, but I digress... When you work as hard for the money as we all do these days, isn't it enough to just have each other? Or, I don't know -- to MAKE something for someone else?
Enough already! Take a break from all the overspending by challenging the ever present marketing schemes that tell us "to buy is to love!" And PLEASE: Resist the urge to paint everything in garish and pukey pale shades of red and pink! It's not flattering.
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